04/01/2026
๐ฃ๐ BREAKING NEWS FROM PD&S DISPATCH:
Starting today, all dispatchers will now be required to run alongside the truck for the first 30 seconds of every loadโฆ โfor morale.โ
New dispatch procedures include:
๐คธโโ๏ธ Mandatory preโload stretching
๐ A synchronized โyou got this!โ chant
๐ฒ Logging all sprint times in Samsara under โCardio Notesโ
๐โโ๏ธ Wearing highโvisibility headbands at all times
Drivers have been instructed to rate dispatcher form, speed, and enthusiasm on a 1โ10 scale. Scores under 7 require additional laps around the warehouse.
Early testing shows dispatchers can reach speeds up to 12 mph when a driver says, โHey, quick questionโฆโ
Happy April Foolsโ Day from PD&S โ chaos approved, freight still moving.